The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
