life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
