another moral hangover. fuck.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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