I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
