..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize