like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
