dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize