i permit you to call me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
