I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
