Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
