I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
