Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
