I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
My dick has a subreddit
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
