After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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