I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
