Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize