I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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