I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Randomize
