the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
