Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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