that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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