i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
