I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize