Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Come back. Shots need mouths.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
