the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Randomize
