yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
