i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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