I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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