I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I want her autograph on my taint
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
