YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
