There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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