she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize