How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
