So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize