Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
