Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
