drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
