it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize