Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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