I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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