his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Randomize
