when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
