What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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