Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
