Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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