You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize