She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
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