Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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