Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
