I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
