I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
i need some magic done to my vagina
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
