This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
