Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
