fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
