He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
