Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
