i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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