tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I have already put on my inside pants.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
