Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
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