First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
