Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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