I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
