Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
