He asked to "fluff my boner.."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Randomize