I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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