ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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