I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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