i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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