plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
