I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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