North Korea, Best Korea!
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm sobbing to NWA
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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