Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
operation harelip BJ is a go
can u get pink eye on your cock?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
