I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Randomize
