if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
