your parents love me but you hate me
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
