he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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