Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
