Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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