great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
