Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
