I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
is this the sara with the beer cane?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
