I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
