If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize