Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
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