Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
thus making me awesome and them whores
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
