Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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