I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
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