My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you told grandpa to call you daddy
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
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