he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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