At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
