"it" just moved
if only i could text you this smell
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
