but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
How's work?
Spinning.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
