Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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