im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
