She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
