PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
