Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
