and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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