great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
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