her vagine was all disorganized.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
