dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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